Saturday, June 21, 2008

Peace I Leave You

So, sometimes, I think my readers perceive my posts as whining. And then they leave comments or send me emails that are along the "suck it up" lines. I can understand why they might do that, as they often feel or express that my situation could be so much worse. And I agree, it could. There are a 1000 ways it could be worse. I am thankful that it's not.

But the thing is, just because the situation isn't as bad as it could be doesn't mean that it's easy or pleasurable. And while it's not as hard as what others have faced or are facing, it is a huge shift for me.

Having a large age range and being open to medical needs, I had never seriously considered that I might wait more than 5 months for my referral. I had never considered that I might not have my child home before court closure. It truly never occurred to me. And I don't think that was an unrealistic expectation, given my referral preferences and my wait list date. In fact, many people who have requested girls with a much more narrow age range have received their referrals.; it continues to boggle my mind that I have not.

I know that it will all happen in God's time, but what I am saying is that logically, mentally, I am facing a reality that I never even considered. This is the most difficult thing right now. This reorganization of my thought process. It's like telling me that gravity doesn't exist or that Abigail is not my daughter. Inconceivable! And that's my daily reality. I am slowly finding a way to wrap my mind around this, but it is slow-going.

So while we are all struggling and facing various difficulties, let's not diminish the suffering of others. Let's not put these hard times on a scale and rate them as "not so bad" and "much worse." Let's not pretend that the suffering of someone else should negate our own suffering. Rather let's be supportive. Let's know that this is all difficult, and seek to comfort each other. And let's turn to the Comforter of all souls.

"But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
John 14:26-27


elj377 said...

Waiting is the hardest thing we have to do in this we live in an immediate culture where we don't have to wait...continue to rely on God...He will bring you the desires of your heart just wait for Him....something I am not good at either..I'm praying for you!

Heather said...

I completely understand, it has been a struggle to shift our expectations and adjust our thoughts. We just keep reminding ourselves that we will be united with our child or children when it is meant to be. We just have to have faith in that thought.

Heather said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
haze said...

Waiting is not easy and people should allow you to be impatient and frustrated, especially if you have to shift your expectations.

In the meantime, I have just tagged you at

Dan, Tiffany and Maggie said...

Oh Grace, I absolutely love this post. While waiting for our referral, I had so many people try to give me the "suck it up" pep talks. Doesn't make it any better. And although we know it will happen when it is supposed to, it doesn't make the waiting any easier. I truly hope you learn who your Sparrow is soon!

Nikko and Matt said...

Totally understand and I dont' think it is whining at all. I started in Nov 2007 got my referral a week after dossier in Dec but JUST NOW got a court date (6 months later). It's not that the process was long in the grand scheme of life, it's just that I expected it would go much faster and everyone else was bringing their babies home while I didn't even have a court date.

I hope you get a referral soon!

LoveNotes4CocoPrincess said...

Grace, I thank GOD for you because you are raw, real and reality with your feelings. You are the cybersister whose blogging I lean on and depend on. Thank you for being vulnerable, if it appears to be whinning, I'll bring the cheese!
Love You without ever meeting you---Yet! :)

Sharon & Mike said...


I concur! It is difficult to go through the unexpected, but it is harder to go through it while people tell you it's not so bad (but they themselves are watching from the sidelines). My life is wonderful--I'm not complaining about that. I'm incredibly frustrated that the exact words our agency told us when we accepted our referral were: "You will definitely have your daughter before the courts close." That was March 25th. Need I say more?

Anonymous said...

Waiting STINKS! Period. Just does. It doesn't help when people are constantly asking "Heard anything yet?"

By all timelines, etc, you were on-target for your referral. It stinks that it didn't happen during that time frame.

It's okay to feel the way you are feeling. Again, fingers crossed this leg of the wait is over soon.


My3Monkeys said...

When you are waiting to bring your child home, every day seems like a week, every week like a month.. You are certainly entitled to have those days!! Can you imagine being 15 months prenant and having people tell you to "suck it up"??? So, I will just say this.. hang in there.. she will be SO worth the wait!

Jessica said...

I LOVE reading your blog. You are not whining for me. It is great to see someone going through tough times and admitting it, not trying to cover it all up. I am sure we will run into some unexpected road bumps in our adoption, and it will be settling to know someone else experienced them as well. God has a plan for your family.

Stacie said...

I hope my comment wasn't taken that way! I am with you- this waiting is so difficult. I actually get irritated when people post about how we shouldn't 'complain' about the wait. It's a difficult time - not knowing who your child is. And, like you said - this is not what you expected and that makes it doubly hard. Prayers for you!

nebraskaridge said...

I have never once thought that you were whining. You've always been very open about what you were feeling & it's been helpful to me. I've often told my husband how much it means to know that someone else feels the way I do.
I also think you have every right to be frustrated. Who would have guessed that after going on the wait list in January, you wouldn't have a referral by now? I have to try hard not to think all day long about possibly not bringing our son home before the rainy season. You're right - it's hard to get your mind around a thought you never imagined.


Dawn said...

Oh, how I understand how you feel! We havebeen waiting over 5 months for our referral from Vietnam. We thought we would be home by now when we signed on a year ago. It is hard to think one thing and then have it shattered! Yes, we are lucky that we have other children and lives to "keep us busy", but that doesn't mean that we don't dream about our adopted child. Patience is hard. Know that there are many who are in the same position as you, and understand.