Thursday, June 5, 2008

From Jealappy to Hope

Jessica recently coined a phrase: Jealappy.

As in slightly jealous of you, but still happy for you. You know, the way you feel when someone behind you on the wait list gets their referral. Somewhat jealous, but still so happy for them.

Sometimes, though, waiting makes the jealappy turn into more of a jeality. As in slightly jealous of the other person, and having a pity party for yourself. Most of the time, I can avoid that feeling. But sometimes, I am weak, and succumb to the "poor me, poor Sparrow, poor Abigail" line of thinking.

In those moments, and in the moments where jealappy becomes JEALappy (as in jealous>happy), I have to take a break. Get away from the adoption world, and focus on why I am adopting. I spend time with Abigail, remember what a precious gift she is, and refocus on what matters: that this has been God's plan all along, and he will be faithful to see it though.

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. " Phil. 1:6 (NIV)

I never want my adoption process to become one of comparison and jealousy. This is not a competition; getting your referral, a court date, a travel date- these are not things to compare to others. Because God knows the plans he has for them, and God knows the plans he has for me. And even though I can't always understand his plan, I know this: God's plan is good.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer. 29:11

So, as you think about it, can you remember to say a prayer for me? Pray against a spirit of jealousy (which I have escaped, only by the grace of God) and pray that my love, gratitude, thankfulness, and joy will increase despite, or maybe because of, my present circumstances.

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:3-5


Anonymous said...

I know where you are. I was so there on our first adoption. Things happening all around you and you seem to be sitting still. It's frustrating to say the least. I CAN with absolute certainty tell you, once you get your child home (be it, August or December) this 'pain' will disappear. I know it. I"ve been there.

I have no idea where I am in this roller coaster of adoption. Limbo? with all that's going on, I'm cautious not to get my hopes up.

So we both wait together for our next steps. That's what's cool about the blogging world. We can experience all these emotions with someone else who totally understands where you are.

In the big wide scope of things, this is only one little blip. It just seems so big when you are smack dab in the middle of it!


Leslie said...

I totally know what you are talking about. Take confidence in what God has showed you--He WILL complete what He has started and He DOES know the plans He has for you; He knows your future and your family's future, and will be with you as you walk through it, both the ecstatically happy times and the very hard times and the waiting times, and everything in between. Praying for you!!

Nikko and Matt said...

Wow, this is totally true. I got my referral in December and am still waiting for a court date - meanwhile other folks have been bringing their kids home and it is TOUGH. Total jealappy and jeality.

Susan and Chad said...

I was enjoying reading the Soucy's blog and then wasn't able to get on anymore...thanks for sharing her thoughts! We will be praying for you, and EVERYONE! Day by day is how we keep going, one foot in front of the other, keeping our eyes on what's important.

Lori said...

As the other bloggers comments state, I totally understand. A friend of mine helped me by reminding me that this will all happen in God's timing, and we wouldn't want it any other way. We just have to remind our hearts of that sometimes!
God Bless,
Lori S.

Rebecca said...

It IS so hard to fight the jealousy! I truly am happy for everyone, because ultimately I want all children to have a family. But, I have a tendency to get focused on our little boy and all I can think about is getting to Ethiopia to bring him home! So thankful for this community of people that encourage us all along our journey!

Amber said...

So true!

Jennifer and Jody said...

I am always jealappy of you G! You know you are always in my prayers ;)

emily said...

Thank you for this today. It is so easy to get swayed in my emotions, but the word of God is true, and my hope is in that! (I do want a fast court date, travel date just helps me trust that He is in control, not me!!)

sparkz said...

I like that. I feel that a lot and try not to. However its just great to see these kids get loving homes and thats what matters most.

Thanks for keeping up with our blog! Its always nice to get posts and know there are others out there going through the process w/you!