As in slightly jealous of you, but still happy for you. You know, the way you feel when someone behind you on the wait list gets their referral. Somewhat jealous, but still so happy for them.
Sometimes, though, waiting makes the jealappy turn into more of a jeality. As in slightly jealous of the other person, and having a pity party for yourself. Most of the time, I can avoid that feeling. But sometimes, I am weak, and succumb to the "poor me, poor Sparrow, poor Abigail" line of thinking.
In those moments, and in the moments where jealappy becomes JEALappy (as in jealous>happy), I have to take a break. Get away from the adoption world, and focus on why I am adopting. I spend time with Abigail, remember what a precious gift she is, and refocus on what matters: that this has been God's plan all along, and he will be faithful to see it though.
"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. " Phil. 1:6 (NIV)
I never want my adoption process to become one of comparison and jealousy. This is not a competition; getting your referral, a court date, a travel date- these are not things to compare to others. Because God knows the plans he has for them, and God knows the plans he has for me. And even though I can't always understand his plan, I know this: God's plan is good.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer. 29:11
So, as you think about it, can you remember to say a prayer for me? Pray against a spirit of jealousy (which I have escaped, only by the grace of God) and pray that my love, gratitude, thankfulness, and joy will increase despite, or maybe because of, my present circumstances.
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:3-5