Friday, September 26, 2008

Telling it like it is

(From Faith - Grace doesn't know I'm posting this)
I just wanted everyone to know that we are all doing (relatively) OK. This is so much harder than I ever thought it would be. I had visions of going to church after the girls were in bed. (There is a great church near Grace with a conference going on that mom and I wanted to attend.) I thought our days would be filled with apple farms and playing at the park. I'm so naive!!!!! I'll have to let Grace tell you what she thinks but for me this is very hard.

I would like to ask every family that ever traveled to please forgive me for thinking that you were just too lazy to post. I am sorry! I was very selfish to want info and pictures right away. I didn't realize how hard this is. I'll know from now on how to pray for all those who travel.

Speaking of prayer...my mom is leaving tomorrow. AAAHHHH!!!!! Lord help us, please.
For all of those who traveled...how long until you returned to normal? (And no I didn't travel...I think it must just be sympathy exhaustion.)
~Faith

11 comments:

The Roberts Family said...

Normal? .... you made me smile. :) A "new normal" eventually. Everything you see, your body recovering from all the food and fumes .... it takes such a toll. Family dynamics for SURE change big-time. So I'm afraid I can't really answer your question. We've been home with Arsema just about 4 1/2 months now. I now SLEEP WELL again and receive affection from her regularly. But for weeks/months I carted this BIG baby around with little given back. It wasn't that I thought she owed me affection, I just didn't realize how MOTIVATING hugs/kisses/cuddles were from a baby until weeks without.

All that to say ..... a new normal will come. Our first days/weeks home are kind of blurry. Do her a favor and snap lots of pics, because she'll probably be just too tired. But she'll appreciate them later.

There is nothing easy or fast adoption. It takes time .... but it is absolutely AMAZING what happens.

You're a great Auntie! And by the next time you visit you will be so surprised by how much has changed.

Blessings, Shelly

msl said...

we are so far away from back to 'normal' it's crazy... I guess we're just busy building a new normal! Hang in there!!

Anonymous said...

Don't worry about all of us! You just take care of those two beautiful girls! : ) God will help!!

I don't know where y'all are, but I'm wondering if the conference you're talking about is M. Peace?

Anna M

PS - I love Anna's name. : )

JourneytoFamily said...

It took two weeks for our bodies to adjust back to the time zone, but it took 9 months for our family to feel normal again. Hang in there! It WILL get better. I promise!

Anonymous said...

Don't be hard on yourself, Faith. It is tough. I didn't travel but my husband did. I stayed home with 3 kids. We have 2 bio and 2 adopted children. My husband now says, he delivered 2 and I delivered 2. Yeah, whatever. In my opinion, it takes 6 months for everything to settle into the new normal. For the pecking order to really be set and for everyone to sit back and go, ahhh. This is good. Our 2nd adoption has gone much more smoothly than the first. Whether we are old pros or the temperment of the kids is so different or what, I cannot tell you. Our first child (bio) was our hardest. It has gotten better with each child. Our first adoption was tough too. She bit her siblings, HARD. She was not a happy camper. We were all on edge. This time around, our little guy has settled right in and we've not really missed a beat. So, take a break when you can get it. sleep as much as you can. It will get better. Promise.

Jan

Anonymous said...

BTW, my husband was back to work 2 days after he got home. He was tired but we had no choice. He was low on vacation. Luckily, he worked from his home office, so he didn't have the commute. He was tired for about a week or so and then began to perk back up. He went to bed early most nights.

Good luck,
Jan

coffeemom said...

Faith: it takes time. It will happen. But think: first, the jump from one to two kiddos alone is the hugest of jumps! The jetlag and any lingering yukky anything you might have picked uP (and I mean even someone's cold on any of the planes, I do every time I step on a plane, anywhere) takes a couple of weeks for everything to feel like it is physically settling. The rest, the weaving and bonding takes many months, but it's those first few weeks when you are all still so fried and there are TWO kiddos, well it's tough! It's ok to think and feel like it's tough. It is!

Any major sea change in a family is hard. THis first part of hard is juggling the sheer physicalness and the split attention - figuring out how to do everything now, w/ the new factors of second kid, less time, jealousy, etc etc etc. You have my email and I'm available for anything: venting, questions, pep talk for you or Grace.

You can do it. You are some great aunt and sister! What a terrific family you have/are. Keeping you all in my prayers and here if you need me. And really truly...it will settle down, you'll do all those things, you have a lifetime to do them. They'll wait. You're doing just the right thing right now: being there and looking at each other bleary eyed over toast, letting the laundry pile stack up (it'll wait too, it always does!).

chrisandshasta said...

Faith, thank you for this post! It is so difficult to adjust to your new life and I think a lot of people don't "get" that until they've been there. Thank you for normalizing how many of us felt/feel. It took many weeks to really get into a new routine that resembled a normal life. And I wouldn't say that we've got it all figured out just yet, either. Hang in there - it does get easier!

Aimee said...

It was a few weeks, at least, of operating in survival mode. I had a bout of Giardia on top of it as well. Ickk. Anyway, minute to minute, hour to hour, whatever it takes until you find the groove.

Anonymous said...

Dearest Grace- We have been home 5 weeks now. Please feel free to call or e-mail me for any reason. I am so there! I know how hard, frustrating and satisfying it is. I am hear to listen, talk, pray, visit, whatever. In faith, by grace -Kim Seitzinger ksseitz@excite.com 610-489-8055
PS- time flies when you are so busy and we just scheduled our first post placement with Megan for October!

barefootinthedirt said...

It's great to hear such honesty - I think this will be tremendously helpful for those who are reading this and will later experience this HUGE transition.

You are all in my prayers! (And I don't even know you, but I've loved following your journey.)