Monday, January 21, 2008


Momma, I am thinking of you today as I hold Abigail's hand and rush into school to escape the biting wind. It's cold, but we are bundled up and dash from warm building to warm building.

But you... Have you watched our little one shiver in the cold of a biting night wind? Have you taken off your shawl to wrap around her and felt the bitter cold sink into your bones? I know you love her, too.

Momma, I am thinking of you as Abigail cuddles next to me. She points out the "silent e" on her new set of words, and reads a short book about "Bill Bug." I marvel at how bright she is, and I am amazed at how quickly she soaks up new information. I love that I am teaching her how to read.

But you... Have you looked at our little one and wondered if she will ever have the chance to go to school? Have you struggled yourself to discern what notices are saying, fought to find out the information that others can see and understand? Do you worry that our little one will end up deprived of an education and unable to achieve her hopes for the future? I know you want her to have a bright future, too.

Momma, I am thinking of you today as Abigail tells me she is getting fat. She isn't getting fat, but she is growing up too quickly. Her childhood is rushing by, and I am trying to savor every day and help her love being a child. She will move into adult responsibilities altogether too soon. So we play together like little girls, and hold onto this moment.

But you... Have you looked at our little one and known that she won't be a child much longer, known that she will be working or begging or watching the new baby in just a few months? Do you think of your own childhood and wish hers could be more like yours? Do you long to play but are too distracted by simply teaching her how to survive? I know you want her to get to be a little girl, too.

Momma, I am thinking of you today as Abigail and I lie together in her bed. We've read our stories and said our prayers, and now I am listening to the sound of her breath slowing as she fades into sleep. In and out, little puffs of air tickle my cheek, and I match my breathing to hers. This is love- it is life.

But you... Are you looking down from heaven at our little one and wishing that you could hold her one more time? Are you missing the way she kicked inside your tummy, nuzzled to your breast, grasped your finger tightly and smiled? Are you dreaming of the moments when your heartbeat was only inches away from hers, and the sound of your laughter made a beautiful melody? I know you want her to live a life where she is loved, too.

Momma, I am thinking of you today. And I am praying for you. You are beautiful, and you are loved; thank you for the beautiful gift you will give me. May God be with you and give you peace today. And may your journey bring you closer to Him.


Mamá to the best 2 said...

our children's birthmoms are so special, i am forever grateful!

Jennifer and Jody said...

This is lovely...brought tears to my eyes!