I think I have wait list induced delirium.
Delirium is not a detachment from reality, but rather an altered interaction with reality. It's like- you are completely aware of reality, you are living in reality, but your interactions with reality (your interpretations and responses to reality) are tainted.
I know that I am experiencing wait list delirium when loosing my keys and being a few minutes late to work causes me to freak out. Or when my hands shake upon finding my phone and discovering that it was not thisclose to me during Gladney business hours.
And I am not the only person suffering from wait list induced delirium. Meredith of the Guzo variety describes herself as follows:
Anxious. Excited. Mind racing. Attached-to-cell-phone. Hopeful. Freaked Out. Crazed. Can't concentrate. Obsessively checking messages. Sleepless. %@&*!#!! = Me
A clear example of wait list delirium. But the wait list is not the only kind of delirium.
Jess may be suffering from court-wait delirium: she writes:
When I open the refrigerator for my daily morning yogurt, I peer at all of the expiration dates on the top shelf. Cottage Cheese….ooh expires June 2nd, that’s after my court date! Extra firm tofu…expires in August….way after my court date. Is that crazy or what???
No, Jess, it's not crazy, it's court-wait delirium.
Meredith might be suffering from paperchase delirium. She writes:
Where is my clearance letter?
I will punch you soon.
Punching an entire state is not crazy, it is simply paperchase delirium influencing Meredith's view of reality.
So, in my wait list induced delirium, I have emailed my poor, sweet, patient caseworker, Jessica, 2 times in the past 2 days. Over silly things- things that are not really all that important, but that have made me freak out. I feel bad for her- she must get an awful lot of crazy thrown at her each day. Although, as I told her at the end of my last delirium-induced email:
I know I am probably over-reacting and succumbing to the "wait list delirium;" I probably just need to take a chill pill, but sadly, my hospital won't dispense those to the nurses, only to the patients! (I am becoming that wait-lister that I never wanted to be, but man, who knew the wait list would affect me this way? It's like the crazy cravings of pregnancy- you think they won't happen to you, you think you can predict them, and in the end, the hormones run wild and you end up craving Spaghetti-Os and canned spinach. Well, at least I did.)