Wednesday, October 31, 2007
War, Peace, and a Very Fine Line
For those who may not be aware of the political situation in Ethiopia, here is a Newsweek article that describes the impending war the country could be facing.
1 Month and Counting
The first month of my adoption journey has flown by! This month's highlights are:
~chose an agency for adoption and home study
~submitted most of my application
~gathered most of my dossier documents
~submitted I600A application and was fingerprinted (awaiting home study to complete the application)
~scheduled home study
~started this blog
~started telling people outside immediate family and friends
~learned more and more about Ethiopia
One more thing to add to the list: made first changes to home layout!
That's right. I have spend most of the month cleaning my house, sorting out closets, getting rid of unused things, packing things up for garage sales, and doing all those other little "nesting" things. But today I made the first major change...
About 18 months ago I decided I wanted to restore a beautiful dresser that has been in my family for as long as I can remember. It is a dovetail double dresser, with six drawers (I will post a pic as soon as I can.) Anyway, I love this dresser and it is a really beautiful piece, but it was in bad shape. So Todd and I decided we would restore it. For obvious reasons, that never happened. Long story short, in August I took it into a local wood shop to have them do the project. All this time I had thought I would be putting it into the guest room. Well, this month I've been thinking about Abigail sharing her room, bunk beds, dressers and the like, and decided that the restored dresser would be perfect for the girls to share in their bedroom. Then this morning I got a call asking if I could take delivery of the dresser on Friday morning. (YEA!) So...
this evening I moved Abigail's current dresser into the guest room, moved a ton of other things (like the TV that was in the guest room and the stuff that was in the guest room closet) and made room for the new dresser.
So excited!
And while it is not technically an "adoption" thing, I feel like the whole series of decisions surrounding the dresser have affected and been affected by the adoption, so I am posting that little tid bit here:)
17 days until my home study!
~chose an agency for adoption and home study
~submitted most of my application
~gathered most of my dossier documents
~submitted I600A application and was fingerprinted (awaiting home study to complete the application)
~scheduled home study
~started this blog
~started telling people outside immediate family and friends
~learned more and more about Ethiopia
One more thing to add to the list: made first changes to home layout!
That's right. I have spend most of the month cleaning my house, sorting out closets, getting rid of unused things, packing things up for garage sales, and doing all those other little "nesting" things. But today I made the first major change...
About 18 months ago I decided I wanted to restore a beautiful dresser that has been in my family for as long as I can remember. It is a dovetail double dresser, with six drawers (I will post a pic as soon as I can.) Anyway, I love this dresser and it is a really beautiful piece, but it was in bad shape. So Todd and I decided we would restore it. For obvious reasons, that never happened. Long story short, in August I took it into a local wood shop to have them do the project. All this time I had thought I would be putting it into the guest room. Well, this month I've been thinking about Abigail sharing her room, bunk beds, dressers and the like, and decided that the restored dresser would be perfect for the girls to share in their bedroom. Then this morning I got a call asking if I could take delivery of the dresser on Friday morning. (YEA!) So...
this evening I moved Abigail's current dresser into the guest room, moved a ton of other things (like the TV that was in the guest room and the stuff that was in the guest room closet) and made room for the new dresser.
So excited!
And while it is not technically an "adoption" thing, I feel like the whole series of decisions surrounding the dresser have affected and been affected by the adoption, so I am posting that little tid bit here:)
17 days until my home study!
Monday, October 29, 2007
Getting Down with my Fingerprints!
Well, I had a busy morning! On Saturday, I received my invitation from USCIS to be fingerprinted for my I600A application. So this morning, I drove down to York and was fingerprinted. They say that it will take them approximately 30 days to process the fingerprints. That is about the time when I think my home study will be ready to be submitted to USCIS... So, maybe I could receive my I171H by the end of 2007? A friend from an adoption forum said that she never had any delays getting her approval (and she has done this 3 times) because as soon as everything was submitted she would call her congressman and ask him to intervene. Right now the website of the Philly office of the USCIS states that they are processing I600As from June 1. WHAT??? That was nearly 5 months ago! So I might be calling my congressman:)
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Paper vs. Preggers
So, I have been making a list of things I like about adopting vs. being pregnant, and things about pregnancy that I like better than adopting. For those who have done (or are doing both, ahem, Emily) feel free to add to each list!
Things I like more about adopting:
~ No morning sickness! (for those who don't know, I puked 6 x day for 34 weeks when I was preggers with Abigail!)
~ No weight gain.
~ No need for wardrobe changes.
~ No hot flashes/swollen feet/pelvic pressure.
~ Easier to "share" the experience with others (as in, this experience is not a series of "hurry over and feel the baby kick- oh, you missed it!" but more of a "look at my I171H that I got in the mail today!")
~ Does not require a male :)
~ No labor.
~ Can skip early infancy and the related breastfeeding-around-the-clock chaos.
Things I like more about pregnancy:
~ Defined time frame (9 months- or less!- and the deal is done.)
~ More "emotional connection" (maybe this will develop more for me as I get farther along in the process?)
~ "I'm eating for 2!" excuse. (related- the "the baby wants White Castle!" excuse)
~ Feeling more and more beautiful as your belly grows.
~ Cleavage.
~ Breastfeeding and the subsequent weight loss.
~ Connecting to the general population (especially other moms) due to being (obviously) pregnant (everyone smiles at pregnant women:)
~ Closeness to my mom because of similar experiences.
Things I like more about adopting:
~ No morning sickness! (for those who don't know, I puked 6 x day for 34 weeks when I was preggers with Abigail!)
~ No weight gain.
~ No need for wardrobe changes.
~ No hot flashes/swollen feet/pelvic pressure.
~ Easier to "share" the experience with others (as in, this experience is not a series of "hurry over and feel the baby kick- oh, you missed it!" but more of a "look at my I171H that I got in the mail today!")
~ Does not require a male :)
~ No labor.
~ Can skip early infancy and the related breastfeeding-around-the-clock chaos.
Things I like more about pregnancy:
~ Defined time frame (9 months- or less!- and the deal is done.)
~ More "emotional connection" (maybe this will develop more for me as I get farther along in the process?)
~ "I'm eating for 2!" excuse. (related- the "the baby wants White Castle!" excuse)
~ Feeling more and more beautiful as your belly grows.
~ Cleavage.
~ Breastfeeding and the subsequent weight loss.
~ Connecting to the general population (especially other moms) due to being (obviously) pregnant (everyone smiles at pregnant women:)
~ Closeness to my mom because of similar experiences.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
FAQ
Q: Is that her?
A: No. It's just a picture I found when I Googled "Ethiopian orphan."
When I do get a picture of my child-to-be, believe me, I will post it! But that won't happen until I get my referral, so probably not for a while:)
A: No. It's just a picture I found when I Googled "Ethiopian orphan."
When I do get a picture of my child-to-be, believe me, I will post it! But that won't happen until I get my referral, so probably not for a while:)
FAQ
Q: Will she have AIDS?
A: I was quite surprised when I learned that many people were concerned that the new little one would have HIV/AIDS. While this is a horrible disease, and occurs frequently throughout Africa, not all orphaned children are HIV+.
Just to remind you, it is actually fairly difficult to pass HIV. The virus is very unstable and does not "live" on environmental surfaces. In fact, blood-to-blood contact is one of the few ways HIV is spread (transfusion, sharing needles.) Other ways include penile-vaginal, penile-oral, or penile-rectal contact without a condom, childbirth (not during pregnancy- the virus does not cross the placenta), and breastfeeding. You cannot get HIV from sharing a bathroom, sharing linens, eating off the same dishes, kissing or changing diapers of those infected with HIV. In fact, people without HIV are more likely to infect people with HIV with colds, flu, and other infections than those with HIV are to infect others with HIV.
That being said, all children coming into orphanages are give a "rapid" HIV test and a PCR (more accurate) test upon admission to the orphanage. For those children who are relinquished (given up by parents) a parental history is obtained if possible. (Obviously, abandoned children are not able to have a parental history.) When filling out the Gladney application, I was given the option of having a second HIV PCR test performed before accepting the referral. All children are given another "rapid" test before being issued a passport.
I have chosen to have the second PCR test performed prior to accepting a referral. This is NOT because I am opposed to caring for a child with HIV or out of fear for myself or Abigail, but rather out of the fact that people who "die from AIDS" actually die from other diseases and infections that take over the person's body. I don't think, being a single mom, that I could devote the time and resources necessary to care for an HIV+ child. I am very thankful for those who do choose to adopt HIV+ children. Many of these children do quite well once they get the anti-retro viral (ARV) drugs that we have here in the US. In fact, many of these children do so well and have such a positive response from their white blood cells that they never progress to AIDS. (The distinction between HIV and AIDS is based on the number of certain types of white blood cells present.) Many of the HIV+ women who take these drugs can give birth to an HIV- child. Unfortunately, these drugs are not available in Africa (at least, not to the masses) due to the high costs.
A: I was quite surprised when I learned that many people were concerned that the new little one would have HIV/AIDS. While this is a horrible disease, and occurs frequently throughout Africa, not all orphaned children are HIV+.
Just to remind you, it is actually fairly difficult to pass HIV. The virus is very unstable and does not "live" on environmental surfaces. In fact, blood-to-blood contact is one of the few ways HIV is spread (transfusion, sharing needles.) Other ways include penile-vaginal, penile-oral, or penile-rectal contact without a condom, childbirth (not during pregnancy- the virus does not cross the placenta), and breastfeeding. You cannot get HIV from sharing a bathroom, sharing linens, eating off the same dishes, kissing or changing diapers of those infected with HIV. In fact, people without HIV are more likely to infect people with HIV with colds, flu, and other infections than those with HIV are to infect others with HIV.
That being said, all children coming into orphanages are give a "rapid" HIV test and a PCR (more accurate) test upon admission to the orphanage. For those children who are relinquished (given up by parents) a parental history is obtained if possible. (Obviously, abandoned children are not able to have a parental history.) When filling out the Gladney application, I was given the option of having a second HIV PCR test performed before accepting the referral. All children are given another "rapid" test before being issued a passport.
I have chosen to have the second PCR test performed prior to accepting a referral. This is NOT because I am opposed to caring for a child with HIV or out of fear for myself or Abigail, but rather out of the fact that people who "die from AIDS" actually die from other diseases and infections that take over the person's body. I don't think, being a single mom, that I could devote the time and resources necessary to care for an HIV+ child. I am very thankful for those who do choose to adopt HIV+ children. Many of these children do quite well once they get the anti-retro viral (ARV) drugs that we have here in the US. In fact, many of these children do so well and have such a positive response from their white blood cells that they never progress to AIDS. (The distinction between HIV and AIDS is based on the number of certain types of white blood cells present.) Many of the HIV+ women who take these drugs can give birth to an HIV- child. Unfortunately, these drugs are not available in Africa (at least, not to the masses) due to the high costs.
FAQ
Q: Do you have a name picked out?
A: Yes.
Q: What is it?
A: I'm not telling.
Q: Why not?
A: I had the unfortunate experience of telling people Abigail's intended name when I was pregnant and having a less than kind response. ("Are you kidding! I knew a girl/babysat a girl/had a cousin who was named Abigail and she was a brat! I hate that name!")
Q: Can you give us a hint?
A: Okay. While I named Abigail with the intention of never using a nickname, I am fully intending to call the new child by her nickname... an abbreviated form of the name.
A: Yes.
Q: What is it?
A: I'm not telling.
Q: Why not?
A: I had the unfortunate experience of telling people Abigail's intended name when I was pregnant and having a less than kind response. ("Are you kidding! I knew a girl/babysat a girl/had a cousin who was named Abigail and she was a brat! I hate that name!")
Q: Can you give us a hint?
A: Okay. While I named Abigail with the intention of never using a nickname, I am fully intending to call the new child by her nickname... an abbreviated form of the name.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Hooray for CoCo!
Ahem. Cook County finally sent me my certified divorce decree. Now I can send it back to IL and get it authenticated. Fun:)
Ah, well... One more thing to check off the list!
On that same list-checking note, my labs came back yesterday, so hopefully by Monday or Tuesday I will have my physician report and letter. Abigail's doc isn't in the office until Tuesday, but since I work with her, I think I will just drop her a little text page to remember to sign Abigail's health clearance. Nice knowing how to get ahold of the people you need...:) One of the small perks of working with doctors all day!
That will pretty much be it other than the 2 letters of reference (they should both be done by Monday, hopefully), my home study, my FBI clearance, and my CIS (I171H) authorization. So start praying that all those agencies get going! My dossier is now in their hands.
Ah, well... One more thing to check off the list!
On that same list-checking note, my labs came back yesterday, so hopefully by Monday or Tuesday I will have my physician report and letter. Abigail's doc isn't in the office until Tuesday, but since I work with her, I think I will just drop her a little text page to remember to sign Abigail's health clearance. Nice knowing how to get ahold of the people you need...:) One of the small perks of working with doctors all day!
That will pretty much be it other than the 2 letters of reference (they should both be done by Monday, hopefully), my home study, my FBI clearance, and my CIS (I171H) authorization. So start praying that all those agencies get going! My dossier is now in their hands.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Parenting Philosophy-ish
One of the requirements for my Ethiopian dossier is to write a statement explaining why I want to adopt, why I want to adopt from Ethiopia, how you plan to keep the child's culture and heritage alive, and what you feel your strengths are as a parent. Pish-Posh. That's nothing, right? Here's what I am submitting... a synopsis of my parenting philosophy, I guess:)
To Whom It May Concern:
Ever since I was a child, I have loved the idea of adoption. It seemed the most natural way to grow a family- to love a child who had no home. What could be more beautiful or right? For quite some time I have been considering adoption, but recently have decided that it is the right time to add a child to my family: another child for me to love and share my life with, and a little sister for my daughter.
From the time I began exploring international adoption, I felt drawn to Ethiopia. As I learned more about the country, Ethiopia’s history, and the present conditions, I knew this country was calling my name. I know my child is in Ethiopia. The current state of the HIV/AIDS epidemic in Africa, and specifically the way it is ravishing Ethiopia, drew my nurse’s heart to the children who where orphaned by this horrible disease, and the families that have been broken apart by something from which we in America rarely suffer.
I look forward to being able to share in the deep history and culture of Ethiopia. Already, my daughter and I enjoy reading stories about Ethiopia and exploring the world map to find Ethiopia and her neighbors. We have started connecting to the local Ethiopian community, trying new foods, listening to new music. We learn about the country, the current conditions, the beauty of the history, and love to share what we learn with others. I look forward to serving the Ethiopian people using my nursing skills.
There is an old saying “give a man a fish and he will eat for a day- teach a man to fish and he will never be hungry.” I feel that my greatest strength as a parent lies in my ability to teach. I don’t just tie my daughter’s shoe laces- I teach her how to tie them. I don’t just read bedtime stories to her- I teach her how to read. I don’t just dictate morals and ethics- I teach her how to think about life and people, how to consider others and make choices. As the leaders of tomorrow, it is important that the children of today learn to value the human life, and I feel privileged to be teaching this to my daughter, even at her young age. Even more, I delight in the way she teaches me. Children are wonderful teachers, and my second greatest strength as a parent is my ability to learn from my daughter. For the rest of my life, I hope I will always be able to humble myself and discover what wonderful creations that can spring from the minds of children.
I know that I am not perfect. I realize that I have limits and boundaries in what I can do for my child- what I can give my child. But what I have learned so far in parenthood is this: there is no such thing as a perfect parent; there are only parents who do their best. I hope that I am able to teach this to my children- to do their best, always. To know that their best is enough. Above all, I hope that I am able to love them deeply enough that they never question their intrinsic worth.
Sincerely,
Grace Kirk
To Whom It May Concern:
Ever since I was a child, I have loved the idea of adoption. It seemed the most natural way to grow a family- to love a child who had no home. What could be more beautiful or right? For quite some time I have been considering adoption, but recently have decided that it is the right time to add a child to my family: another child for me to love and share my life with, and a little sister for my daughter.
From the time I began exploring international adoption, I felt drawn to Ethiopia. As I learned more about the country, Ethiopia’s history, and the present conditions, I knew this country was calling my name. I know my child is in Ethiopia. The current state of the HIV/AIDS epidemic in Africa, and specifically the way it is ravishing Ethiopia, drew my nurse’s heart to the children who where orphaned by this horrible disease, and the families that have been broken apart by something from which we in America rarely suffer.
I look forward to being able to share in the deep history and culture of Ethiopia. Already, my daughter and I enjoy reading stories about Ethiopia and exploring the world map to find Ethiopia and her neighbors. We have started connecting to the local Ethiopian community, trying new foods, listening to new music. We learn about the country, the current conditions, the beauty of the history, and love to share what we learn with others. I look forward to serving the Ethiopian people using my nursing skills.
There is an old saying “give a man a fish and he will eat for a day- teach a man to fish and he will never be hungry.” I feel that my greatest strength as a parent lies in my ability to teach. I don’t just tie my daughter’s shoe laces- I teach her how to tie them. I don’t just read bedtime stories to her- I teach her how to read. I don’t just dictate morals and ethics- I teach her how to think about life and people, how to consider others and make choices. As the leaders of tomorrow, it is important that the children of today learn to value the human life, and I feel privileged to be teaching this to my daughter, even at her young age. Even more, I delight in the way she teaches me. Children are wonderful teachers, and my second greatest strength as a parent is my ability to learn from my daughter. For the rest of my life, I hope I will always be able to humble myself and discover what wonderful creations that can spring from the minds of children.
I know that I am not perfect. I realize that I have limits and boundaries in what I can do for my child- what I can give my child. But what I have learned so far in parenthood is this: there is no such thing as a perfect parent; there are only parents who do their best. I hope that I am able to teach this to my children- to do their best, always. To know that their best is enough. Above all, I hope that I am able to love them deeply enough that they never question their intrinsic worth.
Sincerely,
Grace Kirk
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