Missy wrote this really great post about how "crazy" she is. Or, at least, about how crazy some people think she is. Mostly because she has 4 kids and is adopting another from Ethiopia. But also because when you find your passion, your response to the Lord's call might just seem crazy!
But it seems to me that crazy is really a subjective term. I think it's more a matter of perspective.
Before I adopted a child, the families that adopted sibling groups, older children, children with special needs, HIV+ kids, etc seemed, well, a little crazy to me. Passionate, compassionate, inspiring... yes. But also just a little crazy. I couldn't understand it... and to be honest, the idea of doing what they were doing was not only crazy... but a little frightening, too. "There's no way I could ever do that. None. I am not cut out for that at all."
And then I went. And I saw. And my heart broke.
And I think my heart lined up more with God's heart. And suddenly, those choices that seemed so crazy only a few months before now seemed reasonable... attainable, even. I was considering those same things. Was I called to adopt an older child? And HIV+ child? More than one child at a time?
So I am sitting here, reflecting on how "crazy" people might think I am, with my beautiful Ethiopian daughter smack dab between my white bio kids. And how normal I seem (to me, at least!) And what it is that God is calling me to do. And if that might just seem a bit "crazy." And how I am okay with that.
But I am also thinking that we need to create a culture where "crazy" becomes the norm. Where we don't think it's odd to adopt a child with special needs. Where we don't raise our eyebrows when someone says "oh, we are adopting a sibling group of 4" to join their 5 already at home. Where we don't inwardly say "oh, really?" when we meet a young lady who "gave up her real life" and moved to Africa to love orphans. This is the gospel in action. This is what love does. This is how we should live. It should be crazy.
Showing posts with label spiritual. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spiritual. Show all posts
Friday, January 14, 2011
Monday, July 12, 2010
The V Word
Warning: This may be a controversial post for some. I am not trying to be offensive in any way- just sharing our thoughts about a sensitive subject. You don't have to agree with me by any means; as a matter of fact, I expect very few of you to agree with me. That is fine- in such a personal matter, we can only come to truly know our own beliefs through deep introspection, and this post is the result of such for John and I, which has been fueled by our own experiences as well as through examination of research. Please know that I post this with the utmost humility and sincerity, respecting the sanctity of human life.
The V Word. Kind of a dirty word, in a way... a word that makes me feel dirty, somehow. But not really "dirty" the way a cuss word is dirty, nor greasy the way it is when speaking the word "moist." More like unsettling- like the feeling the word "scabies" induces in me- minus the itching and grossness.
Viability.
It's a clinical word- a word we don't use at home. Technically, our baby achieved the age of viability on Saturday, the 24 week mark of this pregnancy. However, viability at 24 weeks is only truly viable if the baby weighs more than 500 grams (a little over 1 pound.) Under 500 grams, the babies don't really live- or at least, don't live long, even with advanced medical interventions. My sister works in a NICU where they are well-known for pioneering interventions to keep tiny babies alive- they top the list of hospitals to have discharged the smallest babies. But even those tiny babies were gestationally older than our baby is... at this point- between the 24th and 28th week, our baby will go from needing a ventilator and extended NICU stay, to being able to breath fairly well without a ventilator and only needing a relatively short NICU stay. Even still, NICUs and Neonatologists around the world are trying to figure out how to keep babies that are not even at the 24 week mark alive, even if it means they live their entire lives hooked up to machines. And even if it means that many of them will not make it past the one month mark- let alone into childhood.
There are stories out there of babies who were 24 weeks- or even younger- and did amazingly well and had outcomes far greater than what could be expected of a baby of comparable gestational age. While I am not one to discount miracles, I often think that those babies were probably older gestationally than they were thought to be. I mean, how many women can pinpoint within 24-36 hours the time that their baby was conceived (besides me)? More than 50% of babies in this country are "surprise" babies, and women are often shockingly uncouth when it comes to the intricacies of their fertility cycle, not to mention that all women are assumed to have a 28 day cycle when determining gestational age, and many, if not most women who are not on birth control do NOT have a 28 day cycle.
But anyway, the V word came up at our last OB visit. The doctor said flat out that now that we were close to viability, we need to consider every decision that would remove me from immediate access to top-tier OB and NICU care (or at least the best of what is available in our area. Which isn't really too shabby- you know, my hospital delivered and cared for the Gosselin sextuplets. And I've been seen and examined by both of the OBs mentioned in that article:) While I agree with the doctor in some ways, it really did freak me out.
I guess, up until this point, I knew that if something were to happen, knowing that medically the baby did not meet the criteria for viability, John and I would be completely in control of the decision-making. We would get to choose to deliver or try to stop the baby from coming based on what was safest and best for both the baby and I. If we delivered, we would be in control of that situation, too, knowing we could choose to simply kick everyone out after the baby was born and just be alone with our angel.
But suddenly, knowing the baby is "viable" (and our little Nugget is estimated to weigh over 500 grams right now), we as the parents get fewer choices. Suddenly, if something were to happen, the decision-making would be skewed, and the power placed into the hands of the neonatologists that might have different priorities than we do. The OBs would almost certainly defer to the advice of the neonatologists, and this would no longer be about John and I and the life I am carrying, but about a baby whose parents are just trying to hang on during the crazy ride that is life in the NICU.
Don't get me wrong, I admire and respect neonatologists. I have a huge amount of respect for NICU nurses- it is a field of nursing I don't think I could ever pursue. But sometimes, I think that we as parents have different priorities than they as health care providers have.
John and I are big proponents of palliative and hospice care in the patient population that we serve. We feel that length of life is secondary to quality of life. Often, when patients are facing circumstances where they can prolong their life without having any quality of life- sometimes without even the capacity to think, feel, or engage in life, there is a group of care providers who want to keep fighting for prolonging life, and there is a group of providers who wants to focus on bringing as much meaning and fulfillment into the remainder of the patient's life. This is a discussion that is often made easier when the patient is of advanced age and deteriorating health- I mean, most people feel better about palliative and hospice care when you are talking about your 95 year old grandma who already has had dementia and 2 strokes. It's harder when you are talking about options with the 62 year old gentleman who is awaiting the birth of his first grandchild while his cancer wreaks havoc on his body despite all the chemo and radiation we can throw at him. But, John and I both strongly feel that despite the circumstances, our focus should be on helping patients achieve the quality of life they want. Which means, if what they want is to die knowing that every option was exhausted- even knowing that their chemo was killing them, then we should do that. But if what they want is to die surrounded by family and friends, pain-free and peaceful, then we have an obligation to make that happen to the best of our ability.
We feel this way because we believe that it is not the beating heart and the exchange of oxygen and carbon dioxide that make a life. Life is truly so much more than biochemical processes. Living is more than keeping cells alive and reproducing. And even thought we often have medical technologies that can keep those biochemical processes going- sometimes indefinitely- they should be used with discretion. Just because we can treat doesn't mean we should. As the providers, this is rarely, if ever, a decision that is left to us. This is a decision that the patient- if they are able- and the patient's family must make together. But we as the care providers are there with them as they make these decisions.
We believe that a baby, regardless of gestational age at birth, is a gift. The life of that child is precious, unique, and a great responsibility for us. It is our job as parents to foster our children's quality of life, not just length of life.
And at 24 weeks gestation, just because we can continue the biochemical processes through technology doesn't mean we necessarily should. As providers, we know this. As parents, we feel strongly about this. As a person of faith, I know that miracles can happen, but I also know that I am not the person choosing who is granted a miracle. I also know that miracles will happen without regard to the medical interventions we provide, and sometimes in spite of them. I choose to put my faith in God, not in man- not meaning that we discount the medical technologies, rather that we chose to use them with discretion.
But at the end of the day, neonatal care is one area where no decision-making is given to the patient (obviously) and very little is given to the parents. Options for palliative care- care that focuses on quality of life rather than length of life- are few. In fact, while I don't know the exact procedure at our facility, I do know that in some circumstances, parents have been stripped of their decision-making rights and children have been placed in protective custody over the choice to treat or palliate neonates. I mean, these doctors are neonatologists, not perinatal palliative specialists- their priorities are to treat and prolong life. And sometimes those who don't agree with their decisions get plowed down- even if it is the parents.
Again, I don't want to say this is true, necessarily, at our facility. But I do know that having reached the age of viability, there will be tremendous pressure on us as the parents to allow the neonatologists a free hand in determining the care our baby would receive. And we don't know that we would agree to using all of the interventions that medicine has to offer. We can't say now what we would or would not do as so much of our decisions would be based on the baby and how he/she was doing as well as gestational age, but the point I am trying to make is that we want to be able to make the decisions that we feel are most respectful of our child's life and purpose in this world. And having reached a point where science and medicine become single-minded in goals of treatment, we want to keep our options open.
Viability means being capable of living. But the definition of living is what I question in the world of neonatology. Knowing that our definition and the definition of the doctors might be very different makes me nervous... and sad.... and in a way, it makes me feel a little bit dirty. Not because I think my definition of living is wrong, but rather because I think the doctor's definition of living is so removed from what life really is. I think medical technology has perverted the meaning of living and reduced it to a series of cellular processes. And I want our baby to have more than cellular processes, even if it means it is only for a few moments that our baby gets to truly live.
The V Word. Kind of a dirty word, in a way... a word that makes me feel dirty, somehow. But not really "dirty" the way a cuss word is dirty, nor greasy the way it is when speaking the word "moist." More like unsettling- like the feeling the word "scabies" induces in me- minus the itching and grossness.
Viability.
It's a clinical word- a word we don't use at home. Technically, our baby achieved the age of viability on Saturday, the 24 week mark of this pregnancy. However, viability at 24 weeks is only truly viable if the baby weighs more than 500 grams (a little over 1 pound.) Under 500 grams, the babies don't really live- or at least, don't live long, even with advanced medical interventions. My sister works in a NICU where they are well-known for pioneering interventions to keep tiny babies alive- they top the list of hospitals to have discharged the smallest babies. But even those tiny babies were gestationally older than our baby is... at this point- between the 24th and 28th week, our baby will go from needing a ventilator and extended NICU stay, to being able to breath fairly well without a ventilator and only needing a relatively short NICU stay. Even still, NICUs and Neonatologists around the world are trying to figure out how to keep babies that are not even at the 24 week mark alive, even if it means they live their entire lives hooked up to machines. And even if it means that many of them will not make it past the one month mark- let alone into childhood.
There are stories out there of babies who were 24 weeks- or even younger- and did amazingly well and had outcomes far greater than what could be expected of a baby of comparable gestational age. While I am not one to discount miracles, I often think that those babies were probably older gestationally than they were thought to be. I mean, how many women can pinpoint within 24-36 hours the time that their baby was conceived (besides me)? More than 50% of babies in this country are "surprise" babies, and women are often shockingly uncouth when it comes to the intricacies of their fertility cycle, not to mention that all women are assumed to have a 28 day cycle when determining gestational age, and many, if not most women who are not on birth control do NOT have a 28 day cycle.
But anyway, the V word came up at our last OB visit. The doctor said flat out that now that we were close to viability, we need to consider every decision that would remove me from immediate access to top-tier OB and NICU care (or at least the best of what is available in our area. Which isn't really too shabby- you know, my hospital delivered and cared for the Gosselin sextuplets. And I've been seen and examined by both of the OBs mentioned in that article:) While I agree with the doctor in some ways, it really did freak me out.
I guess, up until this point, I knew that if something were to happen, knowing that medically the baby did not meet the criteria for viability, John and I would be completely in control of the decision-making. We would get to choose to deliver or try to stop the baby from coming based on what was safest and best for both the baby and I. If we delivered, we would be in control of that situation, too, knowing we could choose to simply kick everyone out after the baby was born and just be alone with our angel.
But suddenly, knowing the baby is "viable" (and our little Nugget is estimated to weigh over 500 grams right now), we as the parents get fewer choices. Suddenly, if something were to happen, the decision-making would be skewed, and the power placed into the hands of the neonatologists that might have different priorities than we do. The OBs would almost certainly defer to the advice of the neonatologists, and this would no longer be about John and I and the life I am carrying, but about a baby whose parents are just trying to hang on during the crazy ride that is life in the NICU.
Don't get me wrong, I admire and respect neonatologists. I have a huge amount of respect for NICU nurses- it is a field of nursing I don't think I could ever pursue. But sometimes, I think that we as parents have different priorities than they as health care providers have.
John and I are big proponents of palliative and hospice care in the patient population that we serve. We feel that length of life is secondary to quality of life. Often, when patients are facing circumstances where they can prolong their life without having any quality of life- sometimes without even the capacity to think, feel, or engage in life, there is a group of care providers who want to keep fighting for prolonging life, and there is a group of providers who wants to focus on bringing as much meaning and fulfillment into the remainder of the patient's life. This is a discussion that is often made easier when the patient is of advanced age and deteriorating health- I mean, most people feel better about palliative and hospice care when you are talking about your 95 year old grandma who already has had dementia and 2 strokes. It's harder when you are talking about options with the 62 year old gentleman who is awaiting the birth of his first grandchild while his cancer wreaks havoc on his body despite all the chemo and radiation we can throw at him. But, John and I both strongly feel that despite the circumstances, our focus should be on helping patients achieve the quality of life they want. Which means, if what they want is to die knowing that every option was exhausted- even knowing that their chemo was killing them, then we should do that. But if what they want is to die surrounded by family and friends, pain-free and peaceful, then we have an obligation to make that happen to the best of our ability.
We feel this way because we believe that it is not the beating heart and the exchange of oxygen and carbon dioxide that make a life. Life is truly so much more than biochemical processes. Living is more than keeping cells alive and reproducing. And even thought we often have medical technologies that can keep those biochemical processes going- sometimes indefinitely- they should be used with discretion. Just because we can treat doesn't mean we should. As the providers, this is rarely, if ever, a decision that is left to us. This is a decision that the patient- if they are able- and the patient's family must make together. But we as the care providers are there with them as they make these decisions.
We believe that a baby, regardless of gestational age at birth, is a gift. The life of that child is precious, unique, and a great responsibility for us. It is our job as parents to foster our children's quality of life, not just length of life.
And at 24 weeks gestation, just because we can continue the biochemical processes through technology doesn't mean we necessarily should. As providers, we know this. As parents, we feel strongly about this. As a person of faith, I know that miracles can happen, but I also know that I am not the person choosing who is granted a miracle. I also know that miracles will happen without regard to the medical interventions we provide, and sometimes in spite of them. I choose to put my faith in God, not in man- not meaning that we discount the medical technologies, rather that we chose to use them with discretion.
But at the end of the day, neonatal care is one area where no decision-making is given to the patient (obviously) and very little is given to the parents. Options for palliative care- care that focuses on quality of life rather than length of life- are few. In fact, while I don't know the exact procedure at our facility, I do know that in some circumstances, parents have been stripped of their decision-making rights and children have been placed in protective custody over the choice to treat or palliate neonates. I mean, these doctors are neonatologists, not perinatal palliative specialists- their priorities are to treat and prolong life. And sometimes those who don't agree with their decisions get plowed down- even if it is the parents.
Again, I don't want to say this is true, necessarily, at our facility. But I do know that having reached the age of viability, there will be tremendous pressure on us as the parents to allow the neonatologists a free hand in determining the care our baby would receive. And we don't know that we would agree to using all of the interventions that medicine has to offer. We can't say now what we would or would not do as so much of our decisions would be based on the baby and how he/she was doing as well as gestational age, but the point I am trying to make is that we want to be able to make the decisions that we feel are most respectful of our child's life and purpose in this world. And having reached a point where science and medicine become single-minded in goals of treatment, we want to keep our options open.
Viability means being capable of living. But the definition of living is what I question in the world of neonatology. Knowing that our definition and the definition of the doctors might be very different makes me nervous... and sad.... and in a way, it makes me feel a little bit dirty. Not because I think my definition of living is wrong, but rather because I think the doctor's definition of living is so removed from what life really is. I think medical technology has perverted the meaning of living and reduced it to a series of cellular processes. And I want our baby to have more than cellular processes, even if it means it is only for a few moments that our baby gets to truly live.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Because I am a mother.
Some of you may know coffeemom. She is a woman who inspires me to have a deeper faith in- a deeper appreciation of- a deeper love for God and those around me. She has been an encouragement to me, probably more often than she knows because I don't always take the time to tell her that. While I have never met her in "real life," in many ways, I aspire to be like her. She is sincere, humble, passionate, broken, and desperately seeking the One who makes all things right.
She is longing for her daughter right now.
Bureaucracy is probably the hardest part of adoption- especially international adoption. And right now, Michele, Tom, their children already home, and their daughter who awaits them in Ethiopia are victims of bureaucracy. They are stuck in a series of "pass the buck" communications within the US government. They want their daughter home. And they are being told that she cannot come home, because of policies and procedures that aren't even yet established. You can read more about their struggle here.
I am one fairly insignificant person. I am not rich, famous, or politically powerful. I don't know any people who are; I have no idea what I can do to help bring Marta home. But I do know the One who holds this whole situation in his hands, the One who cares more about the hearts of Michele, Tom, and Marta than anyone could imagine. I know the One who designed us to be in families- the one who places the orphan into a family, the One who adopted us into His family. And I know that He is working out this whole scenario to bring Him glory.
Our finite minds may not understand this- the suffering that this family is going through- the pain of separation of parents and child, the fears that Marta has, the un-quenched longings. We cannot understand how this can be part of God's plan, and yet we know that He will work out all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. That is what He promises to do.
So let's call out to the One- the grand designer of this family, this unique process of coming to be a family through adoption. While our hands are tied and our voices weak, let's bring our hearts to the One whose strength is immeasurable and whose word is Truth. Instead of sitting and listening to people who make empty promises- or no promises at all, let's run to the One who is the fulfillment of every promise of love and eternal life.
Will you join me and many others around this world in praying for Michele, Tom, and Marta on Tuesday, May 12 from 8-8:30pm EST? Of course, you can feel free to pray whenever you wish as well- and certainly, if you know someone or have any connection, I know Michele and her family would appreciate you advocating for them. But if you are like me, just one fairly insignificant person without any way of helping, will you please give your time and commit to praying for this family? Prayer works.
"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
Hebrews 4:16
She is longing for her daughter right now.
Bureaucracy is probably the hardest part of adoption- especially international adoption. And right now, Michele, Tom, their children already home, and their daughter who awaits them in Ethiopia are victims of bureaucracy. They are stuck in a series of "pass the buck" communications within the US government. They want their daughter home. And they are being told that she cannot come home, because of policies and procedures that aren't even yet established. You can read more about their struggle here.
I am one fairly insignificant person. I am not rich, famous, or politically powerful. I don't know any people who are; I have no idea what I can do to help bring Marta home. But I do know the One who holds this whole situation in his hands, the One who cares more about the hearts of Michele, Tom, and Marta than anyone could imagine. I know the One who designed us to be in families- the one who places the orphan into a family, the One who adopted us into His family. And I know that He is working out this whole scenario to bring Him glory.
Our finite minds may not understand this- the suffering that this family is going through- the pain of separation of parents and child, the fears that Marta has, the un-quenched longings. We cannot understand how this can be part of God's plan, and yet we know that He will work out all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. That is what He promises to do.
So let's call out to the One- the grand designer of this family, this unique process of coming to be a family through adoption. While our hands are tied and our voices weak, let's bring our hearts to the One whose strength is immeasurable and whose word is Truth. Instead of sitting and listening to people who make empty promises- or no promises at all, let's run to the One who is the fulfillment of every promise of love and eternal life.
Will you join me and many others around this world in praying for Michele, Tom, and Marta on Tuesday, May 12 from 8-8:30pm EST? Of course, you can feel free to pray whenever you wish as well- and certainly, if you know someone or have any connection, I know Michele and her family would appreciate you advocating for them. But if you are like me, just one fairly insignificant person without any way of helping, will you please give your time and commit to praying for this family? Prayer works.
"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
Hebrews 4:16
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Prayers for Travis
As most Gladney Ethiopia Program families know, Travis Norwood, one of the in-country reps for Gladney, has been having some serious battles with his health. I thank God for the opportunity he had to be in the US and get the great care that the US health care system offers.
Please keep the Norwood family in your prayers during his continued therapy and recovery time. Please also pray for the rest of the staff in Ethiopia who are carrying the weight of the Norwood's work while they are here in the US.
If you would like to participate in a group prayer time, on Sunday, November 16 from 7:30-8:00pm EST, join with others across the nation as we pray for Travis, his family, the doctors treating him, the in country staff who know him so well and are acting in his absence in Ethiopia and all of those who have been or who are touched by Travis's presence in their lives...
Our children and each of us are better for having him work with Gladney.
Please keep the Norwood family in your prayers during his continued therapy and recovery time. Please also pray for the rest of the staff in Ethiopia who are carrying the weight of the Norwood's work while they are here in the US.
If you would like to participate in a group prayer time, on Sunday, November 16 from 7:30-8:00pm EST, join with others across the nation as we pray for Travis, his family, the doctors treating him, the in country staff who know him so well and are acting in his absence in Ethiopia and all of those who have been or who are touched by Travis's presence in their lives...
Our children and each of us are better for having him work with Gladney.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Promises
For those who wait:
When God made his promise to Abraham, since there was no one greater for him to swear by, he swore by himself, saying, "I will surely bless you and give you many descendants." And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised.
Heb. 6:13-15
Be encouraged as you wait today. I am sorry if I hurt or offended anyone with my previous post- believe me, I know how terribly difficult it can be to wait during this process- I cannot imagine how difficult it is to wait once you have seen your child's face.
When God made his promise to Abraham, since there was no one greater for him to swear by, he swore by himself, saying, "I will surely bless you and give you many descendants." And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised.
Heb. 6:13-15
Be encouraged as you wait today. I am sorry if I hurt or offended anyone with my previous post- believe me, I know how terribly difficult it can be to wait during this process- I cannot imagine how difficult it is to wait once you have seen your child's face.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
All Worked Up
I am all worked up.... again. Just when I thought things were supposed to be smooth sailing! Here I was prepared for 30 days, a long plane ride, and a baby in my arms. This is supposed to be the easy part, the part without a thousand surprises, the part that just keeps getting better and better.
Or, you know, not so much.
If you don't know what I am talking about, I am probably not supposed to tell you. Don't worry, my adoption is not in jeopardy or anything, and Sparrow will be in my arms on September 15. But right now I just got word of some changes that are taking place in Ethiopia, and I am all worked up about it.
I know in the end, everything will work out. God did not bring me this far to disappoint me. But man, this is an intense feeling of having the wind knocked out of my sails + ticked off. Can you pray that it all is worked out sooner rather than later? Like, tomorrow, or heck (since it is 12:300AM) maybe even today!
Or, you know, not so much.
If you don't know what I am talking about, I am probably not supposed to tell you. Don't worry, my adoption is not in jeopardy or anything, and Sparrow will be in my arms on September 15. But right now I just got word of some changes that are taking place in Ethiopia, and I am all worked up about it.
I know in the end, everything will work out. God did not bring me this far to disappoint me. But man, this is an intense feeling of having the wind knocked out of my sails + ticked off. Can you pray that it all is worked out sooner rather than later? Like, tomorrow, or heck (since it is 12:300AM) maybe even today!
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Named: Hosanna
Taken May 12 or 13, just a few days after Anna's arrival at the care center.
Hossanna (Acoustic) - Hillsong
Hosanna. Do you know what it means? It is a cry that meant "He Saves!" A cry of adoration and praise. It is a word that has come to mean a shout of fervent and worshipful praise. Which is exactly what I do whenever I see this face.
But there is more to the story than that.
More than a year ago, a word kept coming to me during prayer. Hosanna. I didn't really know what it meant, but I knew that it was a term of praise. So I prayed, and I praised, and I trusted God that whatever it was He was trying to tell me would become clear.
About the same time, I began to seriously research international adoption. I looked at several different countries, trying to find one that I would be eligible to adopt from as a young single parent, but I didn't consider Ethiopia. In fact, I kind of already settled on a country. It was okay, but I didn't feel the way I thought I would feel.
Then one day, someone mentioned Ethiopian adoptions. So I began to look and research and within the course of an evening, I fell in love. I felt connected to this country, these people, in a way that I didn't feel with the other countries I considered. I began to do more research and formulate a tentative agency list.
All this while, I kept praying and praising. Thank you, Lord! Hosanna! Praise you, God, for your goodness! I never even considered that this praise was linked to my adoption journey.
Until...
I was almost 100% sure that it would be Ethiopia. The only thing holding me back was my own fear of "falling in love too fast" and not slowing down to consider every angle.
That is when I saw that Hosanna is a town in Ethiopia.
Most recent photo, take August 6 or 7, wearing an outfit that I sent!All systems were go from that moment forward. I knew it would be Ethiopia for me. And once I received Sparrow's referral, I knew she was the child God intended for our family: counting back, I had started hearing the word and praying the word "Hosanna" shortly after she was born. All those months when I had no clue what that was all about, I was actually praying for her, unbeknown to me!
How great God is! I love that He revealed this name to me... this Ethiopian name, well before I ever knew it would be Ethiopia, but at just the right time to begin praying over Sparrow's life.
Even more, I love that this is a cry of praise- a cry of "He Saves!" This adoption journey is not about me "saving" Anna, but rather, it is a celebration of the wonderful grace we are given through Jesus- it is a testimony to the glorious love that fills us as we abide in the Father!
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him... We love because he first loved us.
1 John 4:16-19
We can abide in this love because He has saved us- what a gift, the gift of salvation!
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.
Eph. 2:4-5
This love that He gives us... this love that empowers and enables us to love others... this is the same love with which he adopted us to himself. This is the perfect love to be the foundation of this adoption. God calls us his children. And because of His love, because of His salvation, this journey has come full circle; because of my great love for her, I call Anna my child.
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!
1 John 3:1
Hosanna! Praise God! He Saves! He saved me- He continues to save me! And He is offering this gift of salvation to each of us- even to my Anna. And through this gift of salvation, I give love. And through giving this love, God has led me down the path He had prepared for me.
God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
Eph. 2:8-10
Hosanna!
Friday, August 8, 2008
Named: Misrak
"Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east, and gather you from the west."
Isaiah 43:5
Misrak. It is the name her birthmother gave her. It means "East."
"Therefore in the east give glory to the LORD; exalt the name of the LORD, the God of Israel, in the islands of the sea."
Isaiah 24:15
Why East? Her homeland? Her place of hope? Her goal and destination on life's journey?
I do not know.
But I know that name meant something to her beautiful birthmom. And therefore, it means something to me, and it will mean a lot to Sparrow. It is part of her heritage- part of what makes her who she is. It is a gift that was given to her by her birthmom, and just as I want to honor my sister with the name Faith, I want to also honor Anna's birthmom by keeping the name Misrak. She is a wonderful, loving, courageous woman.
I saw the glory of the God of Israel coming from the east. His voice was like the roar of rushing waters, and the land was radiant with his glory.
Ezekiel 43:2
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Named: Faith
(logging in to see Sparrow for the first time.)"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
Hebrews 11:1
Faith is also my sister.
Easter 2007This journey to Sparrow has been one that has truly challenged, stretched, and grown my faith. It has also strengthened my relationship with my sister.
Like the Ethiopian culture, my family and I believe that names and their meanings are important. My sister's name is not just "Faith" it is Constance Faith- constant faith. Faith came to that name after my mother's long struggle with pregnancy loss (including a late-term stillbirth). It was only my mom's constant faith that sustained her through her pregnancy and brought her the fulfillment of God's promise- her first child.
Like my mom, my journey to Sparrow has been one of faith. In choosing this name, I want to proclaim that I did not make this family. I just put my faith in the Father of all of us, and watched as He blessed my faith.
In choosing this name, I also want to honor my sister. She is a great woman of faith, and I admire, respect, and appreciate her. (Hey, I love her, too!) She is a great aunt, and my girls are very lucky to have her in their lives.
(Faith meets Sparrow for the first time- Love at first click!)
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Reason #20- This Face
"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him."
1 Samuel 1:27
Introducing Hosanna "Anna" Misrak Faith Kirk
My Sparrow is finally coming home!
Monday, August 4, 2008
You Never Let Go
Tonight I am praying, by name, for each family that is waiting in this court process. This song has been on my mind all day, and especially now as I am praying.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, your perfect love is casting out fear...
And I will fear no evil, for my God is with me. And if my God is with me, whom then shall I fear? Whom then shall I fear?
Oh no! You never let go! Through the calm and through the storm!
Oh no! You never let go! In every high and every low!
Oh no! You never let go, Lord, you never let go of me!
Praising Him because he never lets go of any of us. He is with each of us- adoptive parents, birth parents, children, judges, staff members, case workers... we are all held in His hand. And His hand is a very safe place.
Tonight***Edited****
Because Ethiopia is ahead of us on the clock, my case will be heard in the courts tonight as I (attempt to) sleep. By the time I wake up in the morning, it will have been decided, and I will simply be waiting to hear from Jessica, my sweet caseworker.
So, tonight... tonight...
Say a prayer tonight.
So, tonight... tonight...
Say a prayer tonight.
Weeping may last through the night,
but joy comes with the morning.
Psalm 30:5
P.S. Don't forget to pray for my interview, if you think of it!
****************************
Corporate prayer tonight for all cases that are pending in court at 10pm EST, 9pm CST (that would make it 5am Tuesday in Ethiopia) If any of you are night owls or working overnight, I would love to think that you are praying for the court process/judges/families throughout the day in Ethiopia!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Sparrow
"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. "
Luke 12:6-7
Luke 12:6-7
I am so thrilled to meet my Sparrow today!
She is 15 months old and has 6 teeth, but she is a tiny thing! Very petite!
Psalm 84:3
"Even the sparrow has found a home..."
Friday, July 11, 2008
Yipee!
Keep your pants on! I did not get a referral:)
But we did see some movement with the present delays... so a referral could be coming soon!
Praise and thanks be to God!
Psalm 136
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good.
His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods.
His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord of lords:
His love endures forever.
to him who alone does great wonders,
His love endures forever.
who by his understanding made the heavens,
His love endures forever.
who spread out the earth upon the waters,
His love endures forever.
who made the great lights—
His love endures forever.
the sun to govern the day,
His love endures forever.
the moon and stars to govern the night;
His love endures forever...
to the One who remembered us in our low estate
His love endures forever.
and freed us from our enemies,
His love endures forever.
and who gives food to every creature.
His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of heaven.
His love endures forever.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Prayer Time!
Today is group prayer day; we will pray today as we have each Tuesday since the delays began. Please join us!
When: Today, July 8, 7:30-8:00 pm EST
Where: A quiet place, in your home, with friends, alone, anywhere!
How: Please pray as you are lead.
When: Today, July 8, 7:30-8:00 pm EST
Where: A quiet place, in your home, with friends, alone, anywhere!
How: Please pray as you are lead.
Our Father in heaven,
Hallowed be Your name.
Your kingdom come.
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors.
And do not lead us into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one.
For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.
Amen.
Matthew 6:9-13
Friday, July 4, 2008
Mustard Seed Faith
"If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you." Luke 17:6
Valarie left me a comment reminding me that "God does not respond to our needs and our wants. He responds to our faith." How true. In all of these delays, I have often commented that I am "keeping faith" but I have never really stopped to think about what that means. Have you?
It means that if I pray that no evil force will prevent me from being united with my daughter, and I truly believe in God's ability to thwart any evil plans, then it has been accomplished. It means that if I pray that Sparrow be protected and cradled in the hands of the Almighty and I truly believe that God is her loving Father, then I can know she is resting in his arms. It means that if I pray that that God's perfect timing is the timeline guiding this adoption, and I truly believe that He created time and hold my future, and Sparrow's future, in his hands, then I can stop looking at every clock and every calender, and start looking at the heavenly timeline.
So, maybe this isn't a matter of me praying more, so much as it is a matter of having more faith. I don't want mustard-seed faith, I don't want apple-seed faith, I want mango-seed faith!
"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." Matthew 21:22
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Glimmers
Like sparklers on the 4th of July, I am seeing glimmers of hope.
Please pray that this seed of hope grows and blooms.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Pray Today!
Yesterday marked one month of delays. I believe that rather than resignation, we need to press harder in our prayer time!
When: Today, July 1, 7:30-8:00 pm EST
Where: A quiet place, in your home, with friends, alone, anywhere!
How: Please pray for all the families and children involved, from those waiting on a successful court date to those who are still paper-chasing. It's hard. Please also pray for the money and resources that traveling families normally bring into the Ethiopian economy to be supernaturally replaced so that the native Ethiopians who depend on this income do not suffer due to these delays.
When: Today, July 1, 7:30-8:00 pm EST
Where: A quiet place, in your home, with friends, alone, anywhere!
How: Please pray for all the families and children involved, from those waiting on a successful court date to those who are still paper-chasing. It's hard. Please also pray for the money and resources that traveling families normally bring into the Ethiopian economy to be supernaturally replaced so that the native Ethiopians who depend on this income do not suffer due to these delays.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Romans 12:12
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Prayer Today!
It's time for weekly corporate prayer!
When: Today, June 24th 7:30-8:00 pm EST
Where: A quiet place, in your home, with friends, alone, anywhere!
How: I would like to specifically prayer for J. Scott Brown as he travels to Ethiopia this week. Additionally, please pray for the continued delays, as well as for the families who are waiting to be united with their children.
Now He was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not to lose heart, saying, "In a certain city there was a judge who did not fear God and did not respect man. There was a widow in that city, and she kept coming to him, saying, 'Give me legal protection from my opponent.'
"For a while he was unwilling; but afterward he said to himself, 'Even though I do not fear God nor respect man, yet because this widow bothers me, I will give her legal protection, otherwise by continually coming she will wear me out.'"
And the Lord said, "Hear what the unrighteous judge said; now, will not God bring about justice for His elect who cry to Him day and night, and will He delay long over them? I tell you that He will bring about justice for them quickly.
Luke 18:1-8
When: Today, June 24th 7:30-8:00 pm EST
Where: A quiet place, in your home, with friends, alone, anywhere!
How: I would like to specifically prayer for J. Scott Brown as he travels to Ethiopia this week. Additionally, please pray for the continued delays, as well as for the families who are waiting to be united with their children.
Now He was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not to lose heart, saying, "In a certain city there was a judge who did not fear God and did not respect man. There was a widow in that city, and she kept coming to him, saying, 'Give me legal protection from my opponent.'
"For a while he was unwilling; but afterward he said to himself, 'Even though I do not fear God nor respect man, yet because this widow bothers me, I will give her legal protection, otherwise by continually coming she will wear me out.'"
And the Lord said, "Hear what the unrighteous judge said; now, will not God bring about justice for His elect who cry to Him day and night, and will He delay long over them? I tell you that He will bring about justice for them quickly.
Luke 18:1-8
Thursday, June 19, 2008
The Waiting
God and I had a talk the other day. What I've come to realize is that none of this is a surprise to him. In fact, I would go so far as to say that none of this is hard for him, either.
20K for this adoption? That's nothing for the one who used a few loaves and fish to feed thousands.
Negative attitudes from strangers about the precious love I have for my daughter? Laughable, considering the suffering of Christ because of his love for us.
And the waiting? Oh, the waiting. God really knows about the waiting. The waiting He does, every day. He reveals his beauty in all of creation, and His love is the foundation for every hug, every smile, every whispered "I love you." And yet, we do not see His beauty; we do not know His love- we miss it, caught up in our own lives. He has created a world that offers only a taste of heaven, but what a sweet taste that is. And yet, this masterful chef is not given the credit for the delicious moments of life. Oh yes, He knows about waiting- about longing. That is how He spends His days. Waiting for us- longing for the crown of His creation to return to Him. How His arms ache to hold us. How he desires to have intimacy with us- to whisper secret sonnets to our broken hearts. How He wants us to be near to Him, to join him in the heavenly mansion He has prepared for us- to welcome us into our perfect home! Every day, all day, for thousands of years, He has longed for his children. Oh yes, he knows about the waiting.
My heart longs for my daughter. But how much more does the Author of Love long for us? So to those who wait, be encouraged. Your Father knows your heart, and he hears your prayers.
20K for this adoption? That's nothing for the one who used a few loaves and fish to feed thousands.
Negative attitudes from strangers about the precious love I have for my daughter? Laughable, considering the suffering of Christ because of his love for us.
And the waiting? Oh, the waiting. God really knows about the waiting. The waiting He does, every day. He reveals his beauty in all of creation, and His love is the foundation for every hug, every smile, every whispered "I love you." And yet, we do not see His beauty; we do not know His love- we miss it, caught up in our own lives. He has created a world that offers only a taste of heaven, but what a sweet taste that is. And yet, this masterful chef is not given the credit for the delicious moments of life. Oh yes, He knows about waiting- about longing. That is how He spends His days. Waiting for us- longing for the crown of His creation to return to Him. How His arms ache to hold us. How he desires to have intimacy with us- to whisper secret sonnets to our broken hearts. How He wants us to be near to Him, to join him in the heavenly mansion He has prepared for us- to welcome us into our perfect home! Every day, all day, for thousands of years, He has longed for his children. Oh yes, he knows about the waiting.
My heart longs for my daughter. But how much more does the Author of Love long for us? So to those who wait, be encouraged. Your Father knows your heart, and he hears your prayers.
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