Friday, November 6, 2009

Why so many girls?

So, like I said, I am writing up some thoughts about adoption and our culture, in honor of National Adoption Month. I was just checking out the FBI. I love the pages of "forever families" as well as reviewing who is where in the process. I love that right now, there are more families than ever before who are open to sibling groups, and some who are open to older children. Love that!

But I am looking at the wait list and wondering why so many are requesting girls. I am not saying this is bad or wrong, just wondering why? I can understand the desire for a child in a specific age range, and I know some people request a specific gender because they already have children at home and want the same gender or opposite gender or something. But for people who are adopting for the first time, why choose a girl?

This really has me thinking, because we know that across the board, adoptive parents want to adopt healthy girls, as young as possible. Why is that? I have read that some parents think girls are easier to raise, or that they believe girls are less likely to have health or attachment/bonding issues. I don't think that this is actually true (I don't know what the statistics say, but overall, I don't think the data available supports this- especially on the "easier to raise" category.)

What do you think?

Personally, if I ever adopt again, I hope that we will be able to adopt brothers. Little boys to rile each other up and play in the dirt and be rough and tumble and into dirt and grubs and all sorts of things like that. Plus, John wants a tyke who is interested in sports (which, parenting the girliest girls ever, our girls are NOT cutting it...)

6 comments:

Kate said...

We are in the process of bringing home a baby girl (our first child) from Ethiopia. We chose to be on the healthy baby girl list for a number of reasons.

We wanted a baby because this is our first child and, even though we are both teachers, we do not feel comfortable adopting older children as first time parents.

We chose a healthy child because (being teachers) we could not financially support a child with medical needs.

We chose a girl for our first child because I would personally feel weird adopting a boy because I would be, in a sense, leaving a girl behind in a third world country that does not respect girls. The girls are at a disadvantage there. Not to say the boys have it easy, but the girls in third world countries are a lot of times mistreated, raped, and married at young ages.

I've wondered the same thing you have, but here we are adopting a baby girl. In addition to what I've already said, a girl just seems right for our family at this point.

Just my personal thoughts and reasons. If we adopt again, we may adopt an older child and not specify gender... Who knows.

-Kate

Faith said...

I saw this the other day

"Families wait for little girls and little boys wait for families."

from this blog
http://robynmaner.blogspot.com/2009/11/starting-points.html

coffeemom said...

Ok, it will seem totally sexist, and I can formulate an argument either way, really...but...boys are easier. Overall...boys are easier. Girls are WONDERFUL!!!! But boys are easier. Also WONDERFUL. Don't flame me.....it's a myth that girls are all sugar and spice and everything nice. They are that, but they know how to push a mama's buttons in that girly way.....and also help and understand things boys cant, don't get me wrong. But, if folks are going for girl because of ease...they might be mistaken....And no, I don't love my boys better....but their hormones are easier to manage somehow. I love my girls! But 4 teens or teens wannabees = high drama. 'nuff said.

J Gutwein said...

Hey! So you can look back at a couple of my post when I grieved the believed lost of a little girl (I think just because this may be our last and I will not experience one of the genders). It is also not for sure that we will receive a little boy, but since we are surrounded by little girl requests it seems likely. I have now come to the point where I am so thankful and excited for either & I do believe it would be easier at this point to understand a little boy since I have done it before ;). Interesting post :). & thanks for all your work with the list. Love, J Gutwein

lindsey said...

When we adopted our daughter, we requested a girl for a number of reasons. Our first daughter was a girl, so we already had all the girl stuff, I knew how to raise a girl, and it was at the time what we were comfortable with. At this point in my life I would take either gender and not think twice about it. Adoption has changed my life alot. When we adopted I was not ready to be put into many situations including adopting a child with health issues, or an older child. Now... I will take any child who needs a home, and seeing as how we are moving to Africa, I will be able to care for, love and maybe adopt children in need.

-lindsey
followingthecall.org

angela said...

I am very partial to little boys, because I've reared two who are adults now. I've never reared a little girl, and I'm hoping to have a daughter. I think boys are easier to raise because girls require frills, but again I'm biased.

I agree with the comment regarding women aren't very respected in some cultures. I wonder if that fact alone fuels a lot of decisions regarding the sex of adopted children.